Stories


 * __OUR STORIES__**

(All of the names have been changed)
 * Here are examples of what can happen when people gossip and tell lies about other people:**

Deb's story: "One day me and my best friend, Kim, and two of my other friends, Sue and Lynn, went to the movies. I sat next to my bestfriend instead of with my other two friends because we wanted to sit near the middle, and they wanted to sit in the back. They got mad at me and at her. We were supposed to meet the next day at the park, and we all said O.K. we'll meet at 10:00. Me and my best friend,Kim,walked away together to go home. They got mad again. The next day, as I was leaving my building, my other two friends, Sue and Lynn, met me outside and they said "We have to tell you something that Kim said to us about you." They said that Kim told them that she never really liked me, that she just pretended to be my best friend because she wanted my money. And that all she was doing was using me because she knew that I would always have her back. Sue and Lynn and I then went to meet up with Kim. She wanted to know why I looked mad and what was wrong. I started yelling at Kim and said "Don't act like you don't know what's wrong." I told her what Sue and Lynn said and Kim said that she had never said those things. Then Sue says "Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you that Kim said the you are not going to be with your boyfriend for long because she is going to break you up and she is going to go out with him." I got so mad, I just hit Kim in the face and started fighting her. Somebody called the cops and they broke up the fight and Kim's mom wanted to press charges against me. But Kim told her mom, no, not to press charges against me. That's when I realized that Sue and Lynn were lieing just to cause problems between me and Kim. I told Kim how sorry I was and that I would never listen to other people like that again. Kim and I are still best friends. Sue and Lynn are not my friends any more. Their gossip and lies caused me to have a fight with my best friend, to hurt her, and to almost get arrested. Just because they were jealous that Kim and I were friends."

Marie's story: "Some people were trying to get this boy I was going with to break up with me, so they told him I was bisexual. He believed it. He wrote me and said it was over and that he would just be my friend. I said no. Then he started telling people that I have cancer and that's why my hair isn't thick and growing. People keep asking me if I have cancer and I say no. People keep teasing me and calling me cancerstick. When people spread rumors that are untrue it hurts people and causes a lot of damage. The people that spread the rumors are the real ones that have a problem. I am sorry for your pain; but you know the truth."

C.C.'s story: "Some kid spread a rumor about me saying that I cut myself with a sharp object. This wasn't true. Then I heard a guy was saying that we go out. And that's not true. I don't want to go out with anyone from our school."

John's story: "There was a kid in school saying that I cursed at him and called him names. He said he wanted to fight me because of it. But I never said those things to him."

Michelle's story: "I hear gossiping all day, every day. There is no where you can go and not hear gossiping. When I was new in my school and I first met everybody, I was getting along well with everyone. One day it all turned around and I was hated by a few. Why? All because of gossiping, jealousy and a boy. I was invited to a party by a boy I met at school. Some of the girls started telling me that another boy liked me and asked me if I liked him. I said no, I didn't want to go out with anybody. Another girl called me and said "Why won't you go out with him?" This boy kept sending me messages about how he liked me through other girls. Finally, he spoke to me himself and I agreed to go out with him. After a few days, girls started telling him lies about me. They told him I didn't want to go out with him. They told him I was going out with someone else behind his back. He asked me if these things were true. I told him no. I told him he shouldn't listen to lies from other girls. He agreed not to listen to gossip from others about me. He'll talk to me first. Now me and the other girls are good friends. They don't talk about me any more."


 * SHARE __YOUR__ STORIES:**

Story recalled by a 28yr old woman who grew up on Long Island: I remember being in 7th grade science class when one of my friends turned around and made fun of another one of my friend's dress that she was wearing. I was a little stunned because I had thought they were also friends, and I wasn't sure what to make of this. I'm not sure what my response was at that moment, however the jokes about this particular friend kept being made by my other friend. And eventually, I caved. I started to agree with her and laugh at her jokes. I felt terrible inside, but I kept doing it because I thought I would look stupid or uncool if I didn't. I felt really guilty about it, but I also justified it in my mind and thought she actually deserved it because of the way she was. For years, and all through high school this kept up. We had a million "jokes" about this one particular girl, and many many other people were also added to this list. I didn't realize how shallow I had become in doing this. For nearly all of middle school and high school I was looking at people so superficially. I didn't try to really understand why someone might not dress as nice as I did or have a nice haircut, or why they twitched their nose in class. I didn't feel bad anymore about the way I was. I couldn't see past my own need to feel better inside. I was extremely self conscious myself.

Sometime after I graduated high school and started college, I started to feel really lonely and depressed. I had only a few friends away at school and when I came home I had very few friends left there, most had gone away to school or moved on in their lives. I eventually started to think about why I might have so few friends. When it came down to it, the fact was, I didn't become friends with many people because I had probably made fun of them in some way and would feel forever guilty inside to be their friend afterwards. Plus, the friend who got me started in the "business" of making fun of others was still my best friend and she would probably make fun of me too if I did make friends with some of these people. //In fact, as a side note, in 10th grade I befriended a girl I went to elementary school with when we met again in high school. My best friend didn't really like this other girl and she ended up talking about me behind my back with another one of my friends. I felt miserable inside because they stopped being nice to me, avoided me in the hallways and at lunch, and practically made fun of me to my face and in front of others. I hated school at this point in my life and used to fake being sick and beg my mom to let me stay home. Eventually, this all got cleared up. I think my best friend started to miss me and realized that she wasn't doing the right thing. I don't know that we actually had a real conversation about the whole situation, but I missed being "liked" and wanted desperately to be her friend again.//

Well, like I was saying before, I eventually realized that you can't look at people through superficial eyes. Everybody goes through something different in life. And some of us have harder lives than others. Many people don't have two parents living together at home, (I grew up like this, and I'll be the first to say it wasn't always easy). Some people don't have any parents (I can't imagine what this would be like). Lots of people don't come from wealthy families and can't afford nice clothes and new shoes and new ipods and laptops all the time, etc. People are abused at home, in school, by friends, by family, by anyone. There are reasons why people are the way they are even if we don't like or understand it. But, because we are all human and live in an imperfect world, we are all vulnerable to life's twists and turns. One day you could find yourself in a similar same situation as someone you had previously made fun of, and then you'd understand and be really sorry that you had ever said anything bad about that person at all. I'm not saying this to make anyone feel bad. It's just that I did experience this myself, and I am sorry that I judged people and made fun of them for years. Now, years later and after making a lot of changes within, I am a happy well adjusted person. I married a wonderful man and have much to look forward to. However, this is one thing I really regret when I look back at my life, but if my story could stop one person from making the same mistake as I did, that would be amazing.

Story recalled by a 30+ woman who grew up in suburban Philadelphia

I agree with the opinions of the others who contributed stories that gossip can be malicious and it is cowardly and mean to single out a persoon who might dress differently and not fit in with the in-group in the class. I remember in middle school people picked on a girl named Nancy because she wore her long hair pulled back in a child-like way and the dresses she wore were deisgned for girls a couple of grades younger and about 10 pounds thinner than she was. When people made derogatory comments about Nancy I would sometmes agree with them because I felt pressure to conform to the opinions of my group of friends but at the same time I felt sorry for Nancy and tried quietly to get to know her a little better when my friends who were making the negative comments weren't around. I would compliment her on the outfits she wore that I liked and even if I thought the style was childish I tried to find something positive and truthful to say about what she was wearing such as admiring the color or the material. Not many people in the class bothered to talk much to Nancy and I could tell she appreciated hearing positive remarks. I felt a little guilty since at the same time some of my friends were making fun of her and I didn't tell them to stop and defend her. Things changed after Nancy invited me to her birthday party. At first I was very reluctant to go because I really didn't know her all that well, people considered her a little strange and I knew none of my good friends would be going but I decided to attend because I was afraid she wouldn't have many people at her party and I didn't want to hurt her feelings. To my surprise I really enjoyed the party; her parents were lovely people but her mother had a long term expensive illness so they didn't have the money for her to spend on new clothes; she had no choice but to keep wearing the ones she had had for years. She had invited neighbors of hers who were also friends of mine but not in my class and I was able to spend time getting to know her without worrying about what people who made fun of her would think about the two of us talking. She turned out to be much more intelligent than people had thought she was and I was able to point out to my friends her many positive qualities and they no longer picked on her.

Junior high school is a time when so much importance is placed on outward appearance and conforming to a certain norm. It's important to look beyond appearances and form friendships based on character traits you admire such as loyalty and honesty. It's always good to reserve judgement about people and look for positive elements in their character and try to find common interests. Once you enter the working world, gossip can be very destructive and in some cases can cause you to lose your job. It's very dangerous to say negative things about other people even to people that you trust; either intentionally or unintentionally; they may repeat what you said, it can get twisted and may well come back to haunt you. It's worth the effort to get to know someone who seems outwardly very different from yourself; you can gain a broader perspective on life by taking the time to get to know people with different cultural backgrounds, whose parents may not be able to give their children all the advantages that you have had.